Do you think that we, as humans, tend to be like the Decorator Crab??? If you are unfamiliar with this oceanic species I will tell you what little bit i know. They live in many different parts of the world and as they go throughout their day, they find helpful bits of shell, gravel and seaweed to stick to their own shell. The Decorator Crab does this a camouflage and as a way of protection, but I think that many individuals, or at least the writer of this little blurb, does the same with different influences that come into their lives each day. So, on this 2020 Mother’s Day, I am officially declaring that it is OK to be a Decorator Crab Mom, leader and Farmer !!
Let me back up a few years to a Leadership meeting I was fortunate enough to attend. This was one of those meetings/retreats where it is about becoming the best you that you can be, with the ultimate goal of a better employee, leader, mentor, and family member. (I have to admit that in my full time life I am fortunate to work for an organization that believes in investing in not only their leaders, but all of the team ! ). This was a several day process (clearly we needed some work!), and early on one of the facilitators explained that we need to be authentic, self fulfilling and NOT to be a Decorator Crab type of leader. My mind immediately went about 1,000 difference places, as it has a tendency to do. I knew what a decorator crab was because, well, I have been to college for one thing or another since I was 17. In high school I wanted to be a Marine Biologist (thanks to Orin Pilkey) early on until I realize that I really didn’t like the Ocean all the much (true story). The other main point in mind was - Ouch- I am a Decorator Crab type leader. Not only that - I am a Decorator Crab type Person, Mom, Wife, Farmer- S***- I am a CRAB !!!!
So what, is a Decorator Crab (D.C from this point forward) leader you might ask. Well- Based on what our fearless facilitator stated, it is a leader (remember, I’m at a leadership meeting) who over time sees other leader attributes and decides that they have qualities that are positive and should be duplicated. Maybe it’s their listening skills, their ability to dress well, public speaking- the list is endless. Our facilitator’s reasoning was that we should be so authentic that we pave our own way in life. We should not try to mimic what others have created for themselves. I immediately felt like a fraud. I had spent my entire life watching other people- and making assumptions if I liked their traits on me. Hmmmm- I might think, I find that interesting, so, like a good D.C. I try that on for size. How does this look on me? Is this better than before? Worse? How does it make me feel and how do others react to this? Does it make them perceive me as intelligent? Thoughtful? Kind? And most importantly (and one that I still struggle with), how does this make them feel about themselves??? Do they feel like a better person and/or more valuable with my new trait???
Since I am a people watcher I find interesting traits in everyone and this new admonition took my breath away. Not only am I clearly, NOT an authentic person (because he said so), but I have clearly been being “me” all wrong !!
So today- May 10th, 2020- I think that in order to be authentically me, I am going to proudly shout from the farmhouse- “ I am a Decorator Crab !!!” I say this boldly because I think that those of us who do have D.C. tendencies are actually life long learners, and NOT imposters or posers. I think that instead of imitating others, we are learning life lessons from others. In my full time role I am told this is called Evidence Based Research & Practice- and that, my friends, is considered fancy !
As a day to day leader I LEARN from other leaders. I don’t place other leaders in categories of good or bad, because any individual who chooses to step up and out into leadership is a WINNER in my book. Leadership is HARD and not for the faint of heart (By the way- if you are a farmer, you are automatically a leader). You are vulnerable and it is a scary place to live, even if only for a few years. I watch that leader and determine "How does that action create positive outcomes? How does that that leader’s behavior create a positive behavior from others? Or- how did that situation go so wrong for that leader and how do I prevent in my own practice????” Theres not judgement here- only grace and learning.
As farmers, we do the same thing at Crossings, which I think is fairly common in the farming world. We are always scanning for better options, better outcomes. How can we do this to create a more wholesome chicken? Better tasting pork chop? How can we prevent farmer and family burnout? Keep from losing our shirt while we fulfill the destiny we believe in ? Recently we have been asking- how do we farm and protect our soil, air and waterways from sediment and nutrient runoff?? In order to answer those questions fairly quickly we have to go to research and adopt (aka- Decorator Crab) best practices that ensure the overall success and sustainability of the farm and our land. I read somewhere (sorry for the lack of appropriate citation), that “Unfortunately knowledge is not transferrable”. I believe this to an extent, but I do think that we an learn so much from each other. Through watching, learning, reading and listening, we learn and make decisions as to what works for us, for our families and our communities.
So what- does this have to do with Mother’s Day might you ask?? Well, I think as Mothers some of us watch others. Probably our own Moms, Grandmothers, Aunts and Cousins. How they treat each other, how they treat their children. How do they interact in the world, in the community, at church, and in the family. Are they servants ? Are they leaders? Are they humble? Are they energetic, bossy, fancy, simple, . . . the list can go on. I am so fortunate to come from a long line of strong women in our family. All of the above have taught me so much. I have watched what they did and watched for the outcomes. How did that action/behavior create that outcome? Was it positive? Negative? Futile? But most importantly, did that action perpetuate solidarity in the family through kindness and loyalty?
I few weeks ago, I had a leader ask me ( have I revealed that I am a continual work in progress?)- “Did that statement that you just made promote a positive outcome? Did it promote a higher level of professionalism?” Does it shine our profession in a light that is acceptable to you?” That day I removed a few bits of myself and took what I saw in her, duplicated it, spit on it (so it would stick !!!) and stuck it to myself. Knowledge is occasionally transferrable.
So- today- I am stating that as I continue to move through life as Mom, Leader and Farmer- I AM A DECORATOR CRAB !!! I will continue to ponder if what I see in myself as a mom, farmer and leader still fits with who I want to become . . . .with the vision that we see for our farm. And in this purposeful action, some things will be removed and allowed to wash way in the creek, while some things will be spit on and stuck to us until it no longer fits with who we are.
I wish you many blessings on this Mother’s Day, but mostly I wish you GRACE. To allow yourself and others the GRACE to wash away old, no longer needed parts of themselves and a short memory so that you might only see them as they hope to be seen !
